I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
