I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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