he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
