Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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