Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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