I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
