wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
