I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
