Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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