how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
