Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
