i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
