I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
