lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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