We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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