I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
