Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I did not marry a roomba.
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