I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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