My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
