For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
