how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
