i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
