I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
