New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
