Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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