I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
