seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
