he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
