Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
