sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
