these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
