I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Welp...herpes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
