I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
