Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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