i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
