New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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