i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i came on her dog
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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