We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
