I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
