so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
