It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
