I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
