I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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