I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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