Im at strip club and am horny
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
