Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think your dad took our porno
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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