I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Are we still banned from the library?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
