You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
