we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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