You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
