I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
