so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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