Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
