My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
